My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
That was an excessively violent trivia night
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
