I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
