What did we do last night that was yellow?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize