I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
