I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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