but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I currently don't understand fingers.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize