Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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