Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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