Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
