Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
