I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
