Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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