I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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