I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
That accounts for only three of the penises
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
