i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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