At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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