i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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