There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
