you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
