shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
