True but thats because hes a fetus.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
