If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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