feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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