He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
