his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
