Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
