im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
