Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
