I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
