Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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