I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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