You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
