the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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