did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
