we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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