exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
