dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
