he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
