This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Randomize
