dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
