Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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