Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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