there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Randomize
