Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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