he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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