you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Randomize
