I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
