I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
