I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
