I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
