I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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