Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
