i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
