i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
