I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
