By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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