Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
