i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
