she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize