The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
