Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
