Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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