Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
