I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
