Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
