he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize