He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
