my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
