At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
