I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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