Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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