so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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