Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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