i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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