if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize