the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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