why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My liver just broke up with me...
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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