I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
we're so committed to being not committed
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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