Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
