so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
