So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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