How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
