So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
