you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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