Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
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