I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
