Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
