my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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