you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Well I just put wine in my tea
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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