I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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