mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We were destined to go to rehab together
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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