i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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