Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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