If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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